One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

Other

Nursing home jokeOne evening a family brings their...Hudo.com, before 5 year15.849 views9 comments
Three girls are stuck in a desert a blonde, a red head, and a brunette, and then the find a magic lamp and they each have 1 wish, the red head says a life time supply of water, the brunette says food and shelter... and the blonde say a car door so i can roll down the window and feel the breeze!

Other

The Red Head, the Brunette, and the BlondeThree girls are stuck in a desert a...Carlie Angel..., before 6 year38.313 views16 comments
Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table

Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift

Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field?

Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive

Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host

Kum Hia: Approach me

Lao Ze Sho: Gilligan's Island

Lao Ze: Not very good

Lin Ching: An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space program

Ne Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signs

Shai Gai: A bashful person

Tai Ne Bae Be: A premature infant

Tai Ne Po Ne: A small horse

Ten Ding Ba: Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobile

Wai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?

Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice

Ethnic

Translation of chinese phrasesAi Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the...Hudo.com, before 6 year13.109 views13 comments
A police officer pulls over a man suspected of drunk driving.
Officer: Sir, is that beer?
Drunk: No, it's water.
Officer: Sir, is that wine?
Drunk: *Holds up wine bottle and shouts to the sky* PRAISE THE LORD AND HIS MIRACLES!

Get it?

Other

Traffic StopA police officer pulls over a man...onyixdragon, before 8 year4.115 views2 comments
Once there were three boys: Trouble, Shutup, and Manners. One day, Trouble went missing. Shutup and Manners decided to look for him. They came to the police station, but Manners got shy and stayed outside while Shutup entered the station. A cop walked over to him and asked, "What's your name?" "Shutup," answered Shutup. "Where's your manners?" Demanded the officer. "Outside." Furious, the cop growled, "Are you looking for trouble?" "Yes." replied Shutup.

Naughty

He heard you wrongOnce there were three boys: Trouble,...Jayena Li, before 8 year3.981 view4 comments
Ronnie, McAllen, Jimmy, Bobby and Steve lived together with their mother. One day, Jimmy called his mom. "Mom!" he shouted. His mother came running. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked. "I flushed a bomb down the toilet," he replied. At the same moment, a loud crackle came from the bathroom. His mom ran to fix the toilet. Fortuantely, there where still 7 bathrooms left, and 6 more bombs. The next day, Ronnie wailed, "Mommy! I flushed a bomb down the toilet!" And so his mother darted towards the second bathroom and fixed it. The day after, McAllen screamed, "Mom! I flushed a bomb down the toilet!" His mother slapped her face with her hand, but still rushed towards the restroom and fixed it again. After that day, Steve hollered, "Mommy! I flushed a bomb down the toilet!" And the poor mother sped to the bathroom and fixed it.

A day later, Bobby yelled, "Mommy!" His mother hurried towards him, sweat dripping from her forehead. "What is it, honey? Don't tell me you flushed a bomb down the toilet." "No mommy." Bobby said, smiling. "A fly caught a spider and I tried to get the fly and I fell and burped and the cat barked and farted up the tree and the dog meowed and puked and ran to the middle of the road and got crushed by a Jeep."

Naughty

When you put a bomb in a toiletRonnie, McAllen, Jimmy, Bobby and...Jayena Li, before 8 year3.690 views2 comments
Okay, so your really really bored lazing about on the sofa with nothing to do on a hot day. You want something to do so what you do is you decide drink a thousand tones of cans of beer. So you are so interested with this new idea that you race to the fridge and drink and drink, and you've guessed it drink. You then become very tired so you fall asleep. You wake up and it's the same boring hot sunny day as you fell asleep on. You are yet again bored. You come up with this new fantastid idea of drinking more beer. So you make oof those half- drumrolls before racing to the kitchen. You drink all of the remaining beer. You are by now very drunk (and not to mention tired) so you decide to go to bed. You wake up to arguing. You hear two unfamiliar voices. A lady's and a man's. "YOU DRUNK ALL OF THE BEER!" the lady says.
"I DID NOT!" the man says.
"SHAME ON YOU FOR LYING!" The lady says.
"OH MUM!" The man says.
"Come on let's go bed." The lady says.
"Finally!" The man says.

They stomp upstairs only to see you lying in their bed (Luckily no longer drunk).
You then realize that you were never even in your own house. You were in your neigbours all along. You are now scrating around for money because almost all of your prossesions have been taken off of you and you no longer have a home.

Hows that for a fairy tale?

Other

To Drunk To Be At HomeOkay, so your really really bored...sophiestaggsuffolk, before 8 year4.087 views0 comments
Friendship is like pissing your pants,
Everyone can see it,
but only you
can feel its true warmth.

Thank you for being the
piss in my pants

Other

Friendship poemFriendship is like pissing your...Jade Rose Louise, before 8 year4.682 views3 comments
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