A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Other

Happy he's drunkA completely inebriated man was...Hudo.com, before 7 year12.838 views2 comments
Okay, so your really really bored lazing about on the sofa with nothing to do on a hot day. You want something to do so what you do is you decide drink a thousand tones of cans of beer. So you are so interested with this new idea that you race to the fridge and drink and drink, and you've guessed it drink. You then become very tired so you fall asleep. You wake up and it's the same boring hot sunny day as you fell asleep on. You are yet again bored. You come up with this new fantastid idea of drinking more beer. So you make oof those half- drumrolls before racing to the kitchen. You drink all of the remaining beer. You are by now very drunk (and not to mention tired) so you decide to go to bed. You wake up to arguing. You hear two unfamiliar voices. A lady's and a man's. "YOU DRUNK ALL OF THE BEER!" the lady says.
"I DID NOT!" the man says.
"SHAME ON YOU FOR LYING!" The lady says.
"OH MUM!" The man says.
"Come on let's go bed." The lady says.
"Finally!" The man says.

They stomp upstairs only to see you lying in their bed (Luckily no longer drunk).
You then realize that you were never even in your own house. You were in your neigbours all along. You are now scrating around for money because almost all of your prossesions have been taken off of you and you no longer have a home.

Hows that for a fairy tale?

Other

To Drunk To Be At HomeOkay, so your really really bored...sophiestaggsuffolk, before 9 year4.143 views0 comments
During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".

Workplace

Taxi Driver's First Day on the JobDuring a ride in a taxicab, the rider...Hudo.com, before 7 year13.051 view9 comments
me no study me no care me go marry i million air if he die me no cry me go marry another guy...x

Other

marry million airme no study me no care me go marry i...Vanessa Sebzda, before 10 year6.811 views7 comments
Three girls were stranded on an island. A burnet, a red head, and a blonde. The nearest civilization was a forty mile swim away. Thr burnet made it 10 miles and drowned. The red head made it 15 miles and drowned. The blonde swam 20 miles and decided whe couldn't make it, so she swam back.

Other

Forty MilesThree girls were stranded on an...pitbull1310, before 7 year11.729 views4 comments
This is actually a riddle.
Q. A father and son are in a car together and get in an accident. The father passes away and the son needs sugery. In the hospital the surgeon comes in and says,
"I can't do surgery on my son!"

How is this possible? Answer in the comments (There is no super natural activity in this riddle!!).

Other

Who is the Surgeon?This is actually a riddle. Q. A...Kate Justine Duggan, before 7 year12.333 views42 comments
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"

Other

Stupid studentTeacher: "Who can tell me what 7...Hudo.com, before 7 year16.697 views8 comments
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.

2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.

3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.

4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.

5) Improvise Italian operas.

6) Gossip about someone to their face.

7) Answer every question with a question.

8) Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

12) Repeat yourself constantly.

13) Change what you repeat every now and then.

14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

15) Change what you repeat every now and then.

16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.

17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.

18 ) Change what you repeat every now and then.

19) One word: Caffeine.

20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.

21) stringwhateveryousayi ntoonelongwordsoitsha rdtomakeoutwhatyou're saying.

22) Using non-existent words like George Bush would.

23) Change what you repeat again.

24) Speak in rapid Spanish.

25) Pretend not to know about the rule of personal space.

26) When doing number 25, pretend to have a heavy nose cold causing you to breathe heavily through your mouth. Sneeze occasionally.

27) Change what you repeat again.

28) You are better than everybody else. Let them know so.

29) Rudely correct everybody's grammar.

30) Don't proper grammar use while you are correcting them.

31) Pretend to be drunk.

32) Groom yourself while standing backwards (towards everybody) in an elevator.

33) Change what you repeat again.

34) Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheathe rby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.

35) Call everybody you know Bob or Georgia. Bob for girls, Georgia for boys.

36) Fine people for stupid things, like being too popular, or having to many teeth.

37) Change what you repeat again.

38) For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.

39) Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.

40) Pretend to be high.

41) Become severely narcoleptic in the middle of a conversazzzzzzzzzzzzz zz.

42) Change what you repeat again.

43) You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.

44) Speak in Gaelic.

45) Blink rapidly and constantly.

46) Scratch yourself constantly. I am not saying where.

47) Strut.

48) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

49) Start repeating what you say as soon as you say it.

50) Become "The Masked Wedgie Giver."

51) Have this list printed on a T-shirt and write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.

Other

51 Ways to Annoy Everybody1) Pretend to be one of the Bush...Hudo.com, before 7 year12.326 views6 comments
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