Naughty

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"

"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"List en," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" To which she replied "Probably that I married you for your money."

So this blonde girl is really horny and hungry and along comes an asian.  The asian then see that she is horny and looks hungry so he says to her "Did you know if you had sex with me you can survive on my cum?" she shakes her head No.  she tags along with him. 9 weeks later he finds her with a puzzled look and he says "Whats wrong?" she replies "IM PREGNANT!!!!! and what confuses me is why? Chinese food goes right through me!"

Therese a pirate that wrecked his ship and survived,two days later the pirate walks into a bar,the bar tender tells the pirate,"Did you know Therese a steering wheel  Atached to your crotch?"The pirate says"Arr It's driven me nuts!"

A blonde is out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and yells, "You ARE on the other side!"

A blonde and her father were out boat-fishing. They caught so much fish that the boat could not stand the weight, so it began to leak. "Oh no!" exclaims the blonde's father. "Our boat has a leak under the seat! We have to do something or we're going to drown!" The blonde looks up. "Make another leak, stupid," she tells her father. "The water will go out of that hole."