Similar jokes: A prayer before dying

I have a new boyfriend!
You do? What does he look like?
Well, he's white and tall and I visit him every night!
What's his name?
The fridge!

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. but luckily no one was around to see him.   So he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When he arrived it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one outside, he felt very lucky. He was now only a few yards from his office. Suddenly, he heard footsteps and the voice of the General close,there was no way he could make it to his office, so he ducked into the Laboratory and Research Development . The head scientist looked up puzzled with interest.                           The soldier said "I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Program"
"I see," the Head Scientist said"But the shrink ray seems to be working perfectly

An Irishman drinks at the pub until they close.
          He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up
       Outside he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house,crawls up the stairs and pulls himself to bed. The next morning , his wife stands over him shouting''so you've been out boozing again''
    ''What makes you say that'' the man said
       
      ''the pub called you left your wheelchair again''

Two hunters were out in the woods and one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips up a phone and dials emergency services . He gasps ''My friend is dead .What should i do'' The operator says''Calm down lets make sure he is dead''. There is a silence ,then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says ''OK,now what''

a man sat down in a restaurant and orderede a bowl of chili, but the waitress said, "i'm sorry, the man next to you got the last bowl." the guy looked over and asw that the other costomer hadn;t finished most of his chili.
"can i have that?" asked the first man.
"sure," the other customer said. the man eagerly ate the chili, but halfway through the bowl, he discovered a dead mouse.
"ack!" he shrieked. " i just found a dead mouse in here!"
"i know," said the other customer. "thats as far as i got, too."

TEACHER: if you had a dollar and you asked your father for another one, how many dollars would you have?



STUDENT:  one dollar.



TEACHE R: no-you don't know your math.



STUDENT:  well, you don't know my father.

Blond enters a pharmacy, asks:
-Do you have a pregnancy test?
-Yes.
-Are the questions hard for that?

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were standing at the bottom of a staircase with 10000 steps. The redhead goes 2000 steps before collapsing. The brunette goes 3500 steps before collapsing. The blonde goes 5000 steps before deciding she can't do it and returns to the bottom of the stairs.